Monday, March 23, 2009
Even though I knew I wasn't carrying a "normal" baby, the pregnancy went smoothly. I was seeing a high risk doctor twice a week and it got so routine that I wasn't having anyone come with me anymore. We saw on sonogram that his small intestine that was left inside his body was extremely dialated, meaning the bowels were blocked off at some point. The doctor wanted me to deliver early so we had steroid shots twice to improve the baby's odds at not having respiratory issues. That friday I was in for yet another "routine" appt.(by myself) when once again during a sonogram the room got errily quiet. He tells me he doesn't like the baby's heart rate and wants me to go over to the hospital's maternal observation. He has a nurse walk me over right away. When we get to the floor, a very stern old nurse scouls at me and asks why am I walking? They push me into a wheel chair and take me into a delivery room. What? In no time nurses are bustling about me asking me questions and stripping my clothes off. What is going on? Before I know it, I'm in a bed with an IV started and no clue why. I'm thinking, "Wait, y'all are making a huge mistake. You've got the wrong person!" Finally, one of the nurses asks if I'm there by myself. When I say yes, she gives me a phone to call someone. It's a miracle I got anyone's phone number dailed. I got a hold of my mother-in-law, my mom and my preacher. Justin couldn't be reached. I've never been so scared in my entire life. Only twenty minutes had passed from when I was getting my "routine" sonogram to this point. Suddenly we're leaving the delivery room and I'm being wheeled into an operating room. I can still remember how cold and white it was. I layed there looking up at the ceiling while nurses counted utensils. I couldn't even cry. It was so unreal. I started thinking, I'm so alone, where is everyone? No came. Panic was beginning to set in. Almost as if I heard a voice, something told me, "Get it together, you're not alone." I've never been closer to God than that moment. A peace settled over me that can't be explained. The surgery was a blur, but I do remember tugging and pulling and a heaviness on my chest. In no time at all Joshua was born. It was an eternity before a nurse told me to turn my head to the right so I could see him as they wheeled him out the door. Oh, my baby.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
For those that don't know my son Joshua...Like everyone does, I went to the OB at 20 weeks to find out whether I was having a boy or a girl. Laying on the sonagram table, I could see on the technician's face that there was something wrong. The words, "There's a problem." didn't help much either. Justin and I were left alone in the room for about five minutes as the tech went to fetch the doctor, being that they aren't allowed to say anything. The rest of the day was a blur. The word "problem" kept circling my head. Gastroschisis was actually the terminology. Gastroschisis is a 1 in 5,000 birth defect where the small intestine is formed outside of or protrudes from the abdoman at some point around 10-12 weeks gestation. No one knows why it happens. I thought my world had ended...