A Routine Appointment

Even though I knew I wasn't carrying a "normal" baby, the pregnancy went smoothly. I was seeing a high risk doctor twice a week and it got so routine that I wasn't having anyone come with me anymore. We saw on sonogram that his small intestine that was left inside his body was extremely dialated, meaning the bowels were blocked off at some point. The doctor wanted me to deliver early so we had steroid shots twice to improve the baby's odds at not having respiratory issues. That friday I was in for yet another "routine" appt.(by myself) when once again during a sonogram the room got errily quiet. He tells me he doesn't like the baby's heart rate and wants me to go over to the hospital's maternal observation. He has a nurse walk me over right away. When we get to the floor, a very stern old nurse scouls at me and asks why am I walking? They push me into a wheel chair and take me into a delivery room. What? In no time nurses are bustling about me asking me questions and stripping my clothes off. What is going on? Before I know it, I'm in a bed with an IV started and no clue why. I'm thinking, "Wait, y'all are making a huge mistake. You've got the wrong person!" Finally, one of the nurses asks if I'm there by myself. When I say yes, she gives me a phone to call someone. It's a miracle I got anyone's phone number dailed. I got a hold of my mother-in-law, my mom and my preacher. Justin couldn't be reached. I've never been so scared in my entire life. Only twenty minutes had passed from when I was getting my "routine" sonogram to this point. Suddenly we're leaving the delivery room and I'm being wheeled into an operating room. I can still remember how cold and white it was. I layed there looking up at the ceiling while nurses counted utensils. I couldn't even cry. It was so unreal. I started thinking, I'm so alone, where is everyone? No came. Panic was beginning to set in. Almost as if I heard a voice, something told me, "Get it together, you're not alone." I've never been closer to God than that moment. A peace settled over me that can't be explained. The surgery was a blur, but I do remember tugging and pulling and a heaviness on my chest. In no time at all Joshua was born. It was an eternity before a nurse told me to turn my head to the right so I could see him as they wheeled him out the door. Oh, my baby.